Published on June 27, 2005 By sushiK In Marriage

I am in a mixed marriage; my wife is 100% Sri Lankan I am 100% white boy

My wife IS very sweet and my family (4 sisters) has always thought the world of her, but that has changed.
They now are worried about her and think she is a sneak based upon things she has said in conversation with them.

I was brought up conservative, law abiding, and being honest and straight forward with people.
I don't know if it is a cultural difference thing but my wife's first thought on doing things is most always a curve ball approach. "Well we'll tell that guy this...", "Well I'll spin it this way", She will come up with the most elaborate schemes to hide something from someone other than just being honest.

What has gotten my family worried has been when she has been talking about some of her family coming to the US. She has put her foot in her mouth by saying things like

"Well but a house in our name and let my sister stay there"
"We can sneak My sister's kids int to our school system if they give our address but live out of town"
"My mom will come to the states and if she has medical problems she can use Free Care and give a fake address..."
"My sister can get to the states by applying for Political Asylum or marry a guy for a green card"
"It's really easy to get a fake social security card... everyone has them"
Other stupid stuff that sounds bad to honest Americans

My family is concerned because there has been just too many of these whacky things said in passing coversation.
My wife thinks she has done nothing wrong and that is the way to help her family. She is not a bad person looking to rob banks but she always has a scheme on how to beat the system...

As always i am stuck in the middle and smoking pissed at my wife for making an issue.
PS For the record I can't stand these sneaky things my wife pulls and have had heated arguments with her on them. I my self am wondering if i can stay with someone like this, 2 kids makes me stick for now.

Comments
on Jun 28, 2005
Yikes. Sounds like the kinda woman who'd poison your food and then collect your life insurance.

Be afraid, be very afraid!

Kidding.

No, seriously...

OK, kidding a little bit, but...have your kids taste your food first before you eat it, just in case.
on Jun 28, 2005
What you didn't know what you married?
on Jun 28, 2005
Is this the first time she's been "sneaky"? How long have you been together for?

If you feel u cant be with someone who acts like this maybe you should consider divorce cuz it sounds like it might get nastier.

Good luck anyhow.
on Jun 29, 2005

Thanks all
It is sooooo frustrating being in a mixed marriage sometimes especially between 2 cultures.
Her sister is a single mom who's husband just abandonded them, and has worked pretty hard at rebuilding her life.

My wife has always has a tendency to tell white lies a little too comfortably; it pisses me off sometimes but it is still workable.
But for some crazy reason, and I don;t think it is a cultural thing here, my wife goes waaaaaay overboard when ever helping her sister out. She will over extend help to her at our folly many times, only to have me lay down the hammer saying "Nooo we can't buy a car in our name and have your sister buy it from us under the table!, We will just help her buy her own car!" It just seems when it comes to her sister she looses all sense of reason and pulls out these outlandishes plans

So technically my wife has never acted sneaky since I squash any crazy ideas but it just drives me crazy that her first instinct is go around the system.

We had a huge blow over this latest thing, she on her own accord called my sister and mom and let them know she said some stupid things. I let her know there is only so much a husband can take and she needs to check herself and get her head on straight.

on Jun 29, 2005
Dude, it IS a cultural thing. Every man I have ever known who has been married to a Sri Lankan, Indian, Pakistani, Korean, Phillipino or even Vietnamese chick has talked about having the same issues.

If I were you I'd start making it plain that you're not going to tolerate this kind of stuff NOW. Don't wait until it's too late...
on Jun 29, 2005
Yep, it's definately a cultural thing. You see one of the things with many immigrants is that they will try to help their immediate family members when they come to the US. To many immigrants living and working in America is the ideal thing. (if they only knew...right!) But seriously, they will work to send money home to help the family and then eventually apply to have the said family members here with them to enjoy a better life.

Your wife know all those schemes because things like what she's talked about are what some people do to get over the system. She thinks it's ok becuase "everybody is doing it" and that's the way to go.

YOu have to sit her down and talk to her and tell her for one that you don't agree with what she's saying; secondly, that's not the way to help her family; thirdly doing it legally is better if you both plan to help them; fourth, she has to work with you and not to off on some devious scheme which will get her and you nowhere and possibly break up the marriage and last, you don't make any plans unless you do them together and both agree with them.

Of course I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life or marriage...but obviously you need to get her to see that her way of thinking just isn't the American way!
on Jun 29, 2005
We'll it is in a strange way somewhat nice to hear that is IS a cultural thing.
And I have made it crystal clear on my stance with these shenanagans (-spelling?)

Thanks
on Sep 14, 2005
This is why God told Solomon not to marry or have anything to do with other women from different ways of thinking/nations, unfortunately. Your married now so you have to deal with it. being in a complain mode does'nt help. look at it a different way and try to work with her in her ideals and ways. She is from a way of thinking that is third world. They have nothing usually. Your American gold. Remember, you are American US. We are better at solving problems. Come at her in that way of thinking. make it sound like what you want is her idea and listen, No! I mean really listen to her and you will find her agenda and your place and how she is using you to get there. In the Us we are usually realists when we have the correct information. Your not seeing something and you have an idea what it is and why. Open not close the reality and truth of you and your wife's problem. or you are going to be the only one burned here. Good luck!